don’t settle

A month or so ago I finally talked to my husband about something that had been on my mind for a long time. After all the work we have done individually to make our lives new and different and better, and the way we have waited patiently for one another in order to heal this marriage thing…
I think I want a new ring.

There are some fears that come with being honest about this.
-Maybe I’m moving too quickly in the healing process and I will be misunderstood.
-Maybe he will move too quickly in the healing process and go purchase a ring I don’t like.
-Maybe he will want to go look at rings immediately and push me into choosing something.
-Maybe we shouldn’t spend money on jewelry.
-Maybe he will think I’m ridiculous to want a new ring.
-Maybe, maybe, maybe…

If there’s one thing I have learned about life, it is that honesty wins.
Even if the words are difficult to say or hear, in the end honesty wins.
So, I was honest.
I expressed my fears and he understood, agreeing to give me space and time to look at rings and figure out what I would like to wear on my finger for the next twenty-six years.

As I sat in a jewelry store last week trying ring after ring after ring and saying, “Nope, nope, nope,” the saleswoman, Mama Rafi, said to me, “You are like a ninja. You say No! No! No! (as she made chopping and blocking motions with her arms) because you KNOW.
You may not know what you want YET but you do know what you don’t want.
You keep looking and DON’T SETTLE!

It’s true.

I don’t ever want to settle for less than what truly speaks to my heart in any area of my life. The problem is, I don’t always know exactly what I want, which make me feel stuck. Oh so stuck!
As I ponder the ring situation I realize… I already know the answers.  It’s a matter of wading through all the things that I don’t want until I finally come to the thing that I do want. When I try something out, if I don’t love it… I don’t actually have to settle for it just because it is available.  I get to say, “No thanks, this isn’t quite what I have in mind.”

Maybe it’s not about knowing what you want… but figuring out what you don’t want.

At some point in my life, I decided to stop settling for less and although it hasn’t been an easy road it has been worth it!

So in the words of Mama Rafi, be a ninja!
You have the power to make your life what you would like it to be.  

Why not give it a try?

 

another spin around the sun

I turned a year older yesterday.

As I look back over my 48th spin around the sun, I am grateful…

— That I am more content with my life today than I was a year ago.

— For the many brave things I did last year and for the courage I will find to do more brave things in the year to come.

— For faith, hope and perseverance. Without these, I may have run away from my life four years ago and perhaps never known the beauty that can be made from ashes.

I am truly grateful.

see the forest

On my daily walks through my local forested fitness trail, there are several places where there is a tree in the middle of the pathway.  That’s where the path splits and goes around the tree. It makes perfect sense.  And yet in life, I sometimes get caught up by the “tree” in the middle of the path and end up stuck.
Waiting…

Wondering…
Worrying…

About how to get to the place where I want to end up.

The truth is I may never end up where I want to end up.

The truth is when I remember to appreciate where I am in the moment, life is better.

That’s when and why I Choose Gratefulness.

Today I am grateful for…

Night.

Without the dark of night, I would not see the moon and stars nor would I see the sunrise, brilliant with color.
Winter.
Without winter, I wouldn’t notice the signs of new life popping up everywhere.

Rain.
Without rain, the brilliant green mosses, deep green trees and lush plant life would not be sustainable. Without rain, the rushing rivers and waterfalls would be dry rock beds.

Confusion.

Without confusion, I would not know the joy of working through the struggle and finally coming to understand.

Failure.

Without failure, I wouldn’t learn how not to do things.
Sadness.

Without sadness I would not be able to fully experience joy.
Conflict.

Without conflict how would I experience the beauty of reconciliation?
Fear.
Without fear I would not know the feeling of being alive with courage.

Choosing to be grateful helps to see the forest.

In what ways do you choose gratefulness?

Tell me in the comments below

new tools

No one ever wanted to peel potatoes at my house.  For years there were two potato peelers in the mess that is my utensil drawer, one of them old and a bit rusty the other relatively new. Neither worked great but I held on to them because one had been my grandma’s and the other was just like it but newer. A few days before last Thanksgiving I finally splurged and spent ten bucks on a “fancy” peeler because I couldn’t bear the thought of having to peel that pile of soon to be mashed potatoes.
 Totally worth the ten bucks!
Now peeling is practically fun! At our family dinner night a couple weeks ago, I happily made apple crisp because I knew peeling would be a breeze.

Having a good tool made the job easier.  

In the process of becoming me, I was equipped with tools for living a better life. The old rusty, dull and broken tools that just weren’t working well were replaced with new, useful and helpful tools that actually make my life better. Things like boundaries and self-care along with  mindfulness and gratitude are just a few of the valuable tools I have implemented. They are really good tools – the kind that make life here on earth so much more enjoyable and that  will last a lifetime as long as they are used and properly maintained.      

The tools I had been using may have been what I learned from my upbringing, but they really weren’t working for me.  I’m truly grateful that I splurged and got some new tools for living life.   

Good tools make life better.

How is your life?
Do you sometimes dread the things you have to do?  
Is it time to splurge and take care of yourself for a change?  
Maybe it’s time to breathe deep, toss out the old rusty tools and develop some life-giving tools that will make things easier.
Go ahead and splurge! You’re worth it!

sunrises

Oh this sunrise!
I see it often. It is my view any clear morning when I’m on my way to work. I am ALWAYS grateful and filled with wonder and joy when I see this mountain. Today though, it was different…Extra special. I love the way the mountain is reflected in the clouds above. 

Don’t tell anyone but I might have taken this picture with my phone. While driving. On the freeway…

I couldn’t help myself. I AM grateful I was able to do it safely.

be you

For nearly two weeks it has been on my mind.  The simple stick figure meme with catchy, somewhat judgemental phrases telling me who I should be like and why I should be like them filled my Facebook newsfeed one weekend.
It was cute… Until it got annoying.
By the end of that weekend, two little words were shouting inside my head.

BE YOU!   

When exactly does it happen?  When do we stop being who we really are and start being what everyone else tells us we should be?  At what age do we start letting the opinions of others shape what we do and say, the things we like and dislike, what to value and what to ignore?  I’d say it starts somewhere around the first grade. Then a lifetime later we are completely lost. We have no idea who we really are in this world because the only thing we’ve ever listened to are the opinions of others.  

A perfect of this example is a friend of mine who loves sparkles.  She loves dressing up and wearing sparkly things but somewhere between kindergarten and adulthood, sparkles became completely uncool.  So she quit wearing them.
And she lost a little part of herself.

It’s probably fair to say that everyone wants to be loved and accepted.  In exchange many (myself included) give up who we TRULY are for fear of rejection. I can imagine something on the inside of my sparkly friend saying, They don’t like sparkles. You really want them to like you. STOP wearing sparkles!   Over time, it delves deeper and deeper perhaps sounding something like this:

They think you should play basketball because you’re a decent player and could help make a winning team. You don’t like basketball but you really want to be a hero. You go ahead and join the team.  

They called you boring because you don’t party. You don’t want to be boring. You decide to start partying!  

You love classical music.  Your friends think classical music is for old people.  You stop listening to classical and start listening to what’s popular with your group.

You drive an old car that you can afford. Someone (or more that one someone) makes an indirect comment about beater cars. You want to feel good enough. You purchase a car with loans and struggle financially.

You love many forms of art and want to pursue it for your future.  Everyone says you can’t make a decent living as an artist.  So you get an engineering (or whatever) degree so you will make lots of money.

Perhaps eventually, you stop having any opinion at all. Maybe you constantly seek approval of others before making decisions. And you don’t even know you’re doing it.

It probably happens slowly.
At least it did for me.

One day I woke up and realized I had no idea who it was looking back at me in the mirror. Searching for her has been the adventure of my lifetime!  I love being me.  In fact sometimes I think I’m pretty great.  

But please, don’t be like me.

GO BE YOU!

 

hope

My gratitude list this morning turned into something that feels like hope.
I am compelled to share this hope with you.  

Today I am grateful for…
Self acceptance.
I am not perfect. I mess up. I fall short in many areas as I am striving to pursue dreams and goals, AND THAT’s OKAY! I don’t have to do everything perfectly! I am grateful that I allow myself the space to just be human!
Resilience.
I have learned to quickly identify the triggers that send me into moments of fear, doubt and self-hatred. I have learned to breathe. I have tools to battle the lies and let the negative pass without ruining my day. I don’t do it perfectly, but I have the tools and know how to apply them.
Mentors.
There are trusted mentors in my life who have wisdom and more life experience. I can trust them to be honest and to love me even on bad days when I am not all that lovable.
Growth.
I consistently pursue ‘brave’ (doing the hard thing) which has spurred me into personal growth that I am so grateful to see in my life.
Space.
I slowed down in my life to almost nothing in order to purge all the crap that needed to go and slowly I have added life giving things back in… I volunteer doing the things that I love instead of out of guilt. I study/read the things that interest me instead of what I think I should. I go the places and do the things that I want to do rather than what I think will make someone else happy. I find BALANCE in ALL these things. I don’t “get my way” all the time but I have freedom and space to say no because I now know it is okay to actually live my own life. I am so grateful for that freedom.
Mindfulness.
I am able to enjoy the moment I am in and not be thinking about or worrying about the past or the future. I don’t do this perfectly but I am getting pretty good at it. It’s so much better living in the now.
Faith.
I have been able to hold on to the belief that things will work out. At times that faith is as teeny tiny as a pinhole of light at the end of a deep dark tunnel, but it was there. I have had faith, EVEN WHEN it didn’t seem like I had faith. I am grateful to have borrowed hope from generous people surrounding me during the darkest moments.

Perhaps you need to borrow some hope today. That’s okay. Some days are just freaking difficult! My prayer is that you find encouragement and hope from my thoughts this morning.

I am grateful for the privilege of having you read my words.

you’ve got mail

She opened the email and read the five words that had a profound impact on her heart.
“I looked up the meaning…” Then three words more,  “…of your name.”
Her name?  The name that had been an embarrassment to her for so long?  The name that  seemed should belong to a boy? Everyone seemed to spell it that way.  With a ‘y.’ Plus, she didn’t have just one ‘r’ like the pretty Teri.

In the fifth grade, she tried her hand at dotting the ugly name with a heart.  Well… Mr. Gates took care of that. NO DOTTING i’s WITH HEARTS ALLOWED! So, she remained boring Terri with two r’s.
A boy name.

But the email… “The name Terri, is a feminine name,” it read.  The name meant something too. Even if her parents did not name her for anything special… Even if they couldn’t decide on a name and picked one out of the TV Guide, it still meant something.

Harvester.

Well. What. Ever.
What even IS a harvester?

The email continued. A BLESSING was spoken into her life. “I think of a harvester as someone who finishes all the hard work of others.  Someone else sowed, planted, watered, tended and waited.  Now you come along and do the hard work of not leaving them there.  You move them on to becoming something worthy and valuable.”

At the time these words seemed an impossibility, as if they were meant for someone else and her parents has picked, at random, the ABSOLUTE wrong name out of that weekly magazine. At the time, she did not believe the words.

Today… Today she can see how that blessing has actually become something real in her life.  It’s true, she does love to help people–women become more.  To realize their worth. To truly live life. To become themselves.

She is to be a harvester.  She is to pick the heads of grain off the stalk and help them see what they CAN do, rather than remain in the vast deserted field, rotting away, purposeless and alone.

She may not know exactly what to do but as she walks through this field of life, God continues to put stalks of grain before her.  She will choose to harvest rather than to trudge past these beautiful, lonely souls crying on the inside. She will be a friend who helps show the way.
SHE will pass on blessings.

___________________

Writers write, and lately some short (very short) stories have been taking form in my writing.  My friend says they fall into a genre called Flash Fiction. (Who knew I could write something that fits into a genre! So fancy!)
I am GRATEFUL to have the opportunity to share some of them with you.

 

pressing in

About a week ago I made the decision to go to the bilingual service being held at my church tonight.  Up until that point I had definitely planned to have some other extremely pressing thing to do on Sunday the seventeenth at six o’clock in the evening.

And then I remembered my decision to press into situations that are uncomfortable.

I wonder if those precious people will know I am afraid. Or will they think I am a snob? Perhaps they will believe that I think I am better than them.  Will they think I don’t want them here, where I have been able to easily communicate with those around me for years? Will they believe they don’t belong because people like me won’t talk to them?  

Perhaps… But I sure hope not.

In the past to solve this heart problem I would simply avoid the situation.  Don’t show up because it is scary.  But then, what happens when they come to our morning service next week, when we have translators set-up to convey the sermon?  Would it be time for me to find a new church? Avoid forever?

If I am going to press in,  I must purposely step into uncomfortable situations and do what I don’t want to do.

But how will I communicate?  

One would think that after spending my high school years learning the language, I could speak a little Spanish.  But hey… Give me a verb and I can conjugate the heck out of it!  That doesn’t mean I know what it means or how to use that word to communicate.  Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure there won’t be any dogs or cats there to talk about.  Perhaps I could ask for some water or where the bathroom is located.

Oh wait… I’m not the newcomer.
I’ll have to rethink that one.

Hola will be safe.  I CAN say hello and I can say my name. At least I think I can… Me llamo. Mi nombre. Soy. WHICH IS IT??  Holy Cow! Why is it so complicated?

Hmmm…
there, their, they’re
by, buy, bye
two, too, to
mail, male

How difficult and courageous it is for these folks taking the english class offered by our church as a neighborhood outreach.  How very courageous they are to come into the neighborhood English-speaking church on Sunday morning rather than drive somewhere for a Spanish only service.  So very courageous!

I will go.
I will smile.
I will extend my hand or offer a hug.
I will meet people and possibly not understand their heavily-accented name.

And that’s okay. 

My presence and desire to love without communicating through words will be enough.

I am grateful.

 

 

food for thought

“Just because you can’t see or imagine a good reason why God might allow something to happen doesn’t mean there can’t be one.” – Timothy Keller

Pondering these words this morning, I’ve decided to share my thoughts because I think they are different. And they might need to be heard.

At least I needed to hear them.

You see, many people will read this quote and think about how bad things happen and wonder, WHY? Why on earth does God allow bad things to happen? And, HOW? How on earth could there be a good reason for it???  
I agree. One hundred percent.
I wonder the same things all the time, even though I know we live in a fallen world and (in the simplest terms) that’s why bad things happen.

But that’s not what I’ve been pondering this morning.

Upon reading Mr. Keller’s words, I thought of how difficult it is to believe that God might actually have something good for me. God might actually have a good reason to make my hopes and dreams come true.

I’m NOT talking about winning the lottery here, folks…

I’m talking about the hopes and dreams of how God will use my life for His work. Will he use my writing? Will he use my blog? Will he use my ability to encourage? Will he use my leadership skills? Will he use the way I am courageous and try to be a reallionairre? And WHY? Why on earth would He want to use me? How can he use this imperfect life of mine for any good at all?

Do you struggle with questions like these too??? 

Just as I already know (intellectually) the answer to the question, “Why do bad things happen,” I also know (intellectually) the answer to the above questions.

Of course he will! He probably already has…
I just can’t see or imagine it.

How about you?
Can you see or imagine how God will (or is) using your life?

It would be interesting to know Timothy Keller’s thought behind his words, “Just because you can’t see or imagine a good reason why God might allow something to happen doesn’t mean there can’t be one.”