Life is changing at a rapid pace around me this week. My youngest son went back to school and moved into his first apartment situation. My oldest son signed the papers to buy his first house and will be moving out this weekend. Many changes for one week.
And I wonder why I’m emotional…
It is easy for me to lament over not being enough over the past twenty-three years. There are SO MANY things I wish I had done differently during my time as a parent. Sometimes I hear what other parents are doing or have done and I beat myself up for not doing it right. The truth is, I could have done better but I did the best I knew how with what I knew at the time.
And I did a pretty good job.
As I sat on the couch today I spent some time remembering. When we moved into this house, we were just beginning our first year of homeschooling. Nathan was in the third grade, Jeremy in kindergarten. The memories began to flood my mind and I became EVER SO GRATEFUL for those years I spent at home with my boys.
I remember the countless hours spent together reading books on this couch (which is being moved into Nathan’s new home soon). I remember lunches spent at the kitchen table while we experienced adventures from the latest read alouds (thank you SONLIGHT). I remember how every day, although my voice was tired and fading, they would beg one more chapter please! I remember the “school room” (which is now a guest room/office but will always be the school room), equipped with two school desks where they did their math lessons and learned how to write a proper paragraph. I remember fondly the tears and the fight whenever I gave a writing assignment (heaven forbid I assign a three point paragraph!) which made me wonder why on earth I EVER decided to homeschool. I remember the worries and fears in my heart on that day Nathan went off to high school and three years later, Jeremy went too. I remember the house so quiet… No more interest in read alouds because sports and homework and friends took up all the time.
And now, my boys are all grown up. The nest is nearly empty.
And yet my heart is full.
My heart is full of wonderful memories and two terrific young men who are finding their own way in this world.
I am grateful. ❤️