blurred vision

Lost. That’s the word I use to describe how I’ve been feeling lately. It’s not an utterly confused and frustrated, fumbling around in the dark kind of lost. It’s more like blurred vision. 

With blurry vision, road signs are visible but the words are unreadable. The details are impossible to see. 

It is frustrating!

“Let me hear your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you.      Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.” Psalm 143:8
God gave me these words this morning. I didn’t know it, but they are exactly what I needed to hear.

I am trusting him – most days. 

I try to do my best to live by faith in an unseen God who, quite honestly, doesn’t always make sense. At least not in our world. 

I do feel lost sometimes. Like I’m fumbling around in a fog trying to muddle my way through life. Gratefully, I know that my Heavenly Father knows the way. He knows the plans he has for me. When I am willing to be still and let him speak to my heart… I actually hear him.
Be still. 
I have been trying to do more of that lately. For me it means clearing my mind of all the stuff I need to do and instead listening to the sounds around me. Seeing the beauty of my surroundings. It also means consciously feeling my muscles move while dancing or walking. 

Then… Stopping and writing the words that are flowing from my heart to my head and down my arm through the pen in my hand. 

I am grateful that I have learned to journal. 
It’s funny to me how when I am listening… Being still then writing, God really does speak to me. I write and his thoughts come out on my paper. I know they are his thoughts – especially when I end up writing about doing something I’ve been resisting. Generally my heart feel so strongly and it resonates so well with me that the tears start flowing. 
Who is this person I have become?

She’s an alien. 

So completely foreign to the person I was most of my life.

I like her.

She is who I have been all along… She was just buried beneath all the muck of life. 
The great thing about road signs is that they have recognizable shapes and colors. Even if it’s blurry, I probably have a pretty good idea what the sign means. In the future when I’m feeling lost (and I’m sure I will) I hope to remember that blurry sign and make it a point to obey. 
Be still. 


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